On Blogging, Filtered.

01 May 2014 — 1 comment

I come to this space so often; far more often than my post count proves. I come ready to write about something inspiring, bothersome, simple, what have you. And so often I leave this space without sharing any of it because so often it's unfiltered. And unfiltered is scary. Because sometimes you need to throw a bad word in for extra emphasis and sometimes you have opinions that won't suit everyone. Sometimes you need to word vomit a million dramatic emotions because sometimes it just feels good.

But what if my grandparents are offended? And what if my mom tells me not to sound so depressing or a friend says i'm being dramatic?(it's all the instagram poetry, #sorrynotsorry) Do I want everyone in my church to know I went  out on a Friday night? Would that embarrass my parents? I worry about how I reflect back on them. I guess there's a line between being honest and sharing too much. It's tiny, like dentil floss i'd say and I can't seem to find it, that line.

I so envy the bloggers that put it all out in the open, honest and unapologetic. I want to be you.I try to be you, but then I get stuck. How do you do it? How do you give zero flips about what the people who know you in the real world will think? I know I won't be any less loved for anything I could ever say here, duh. (duh, right?) But I'd be lying to myself if I thought my words would never bring a little disappointment. And is it worth the disappointment for these people that love you to love the raw, unfiltered you? I can't decide.

All this really to say that I have no solution. I've thought about creating a new blog that nobody in my daily life knows about, but don't I owe it to people who love me to at least love the real me? Lets be honest, most of them are family members and don't have much choice in the matter anyways. So then I go back to deciding I need to just spill my guts around these parts. But then I go to upload a picture of my weekend and. There's a beer in that photo. A beer? I write about loving Jesus I can't post a picture of beer. But then, i'm only 23 and aren't I aloud to still be figuring this life thing out?

Dear Mom, will you still love me if my photos have beer in them?

P.S. the instapoetry addiction is real. so real. @christopherpoindexter is currently my favorite, but @tylerknott is definitely worth obsessing over as well, you're welcome.

1 comment

  1. I read this when you wrote it and meant to comment but I was on the bloglovin ap on my phone and then didnt/couldnt. I feel this way about blogging all the time. I stopped posting the link on Facebook years ago, so only a few of my friends really read along. Now that you've had a decent absence, maybe a few of them think you stopped writing? I say, post what you want. Beer or no beer.